Staying at home and missing out
For many, the coronavirus stay at home order has intensified loneliness and isolation. Though we may continue to interact with others virtually through our computers, it’s normal to yearn for real connections rather than stare at a screen.
For others, however, the quarantine has kept them at home with their spouse and/or children 24/7, and they yearn for more time alone. Though they value their families, they envy those singles who are free to watch TV or lay on the couch without being disturbed every 15 minutes.
Like salt in our food, being alone is great if it’s in the right amount. But, during the pandemic, when people find themselves stuck at home week after week, many find their lives either under or over-salted.
As a healer dealing with and supporting others through the pandemic, I’m doubly motivated to help transform the challenges associated with “being alone” into opportunities for growth and insight. Here are some of my reflections.
Enjoy, and have a great week!
Creating the Best Outcomes While Isolating
The challenge to live beyond our boxes
beaking out
I caught these two sparrows kissing—several times. She just couldn’t get enough of him and kept opening her beak for a kiss. I couldn’t believe her brazen demands for his—ahem—attention. After warily eyeing me, as if to ask, “what’re you looking at?” he eventually ignored my camera to focus on his lovely lady bird.
Like these sparrows, in the world of duality in which we live, it takes two to make a whole. The pairing process exists at the subatomic level with electrons “wanting” to be paired. If they’re not, they become “free radicals” that zip around looking for a partner, damaging things that get in their way. Oxidative stress, a primary contributor to aging, is just another name for having too many lone electrons for too long.
In the world of non-duality, however, we are complete, eternal beings vibrating in a spiritual place of perfect wholeness, bliss, and life.
I believe human beings exist simultaneously at the level of duality and non-duality. Our physical bodies exist in the world of duality, but our spiritual bodies exist in the world of non-duality. We can simultaneously be fragmented and whole, like light that can be both a particle and a wave. Our experiences depend on what level of being we focus our attention.
If we focus on what we don’t have, as people often do, then being alone can be either a burden or a gift depending on our circumstances. If we focus, instead, on perceiving our lives through the non-dual, spiritual lens, we can create life beyond suffering. We can reclaim our identity as creators of our own narrative.
Over the past three-day Association for Comprehensive Psychology (ACEP) conference, I heard the quantum word “entanglement” used to describe how we get caught up in our circumstances and become “programmed” by our past to respond reflexively to our personal narratives. Several treatment modalities seek to heal by using a non-dual state of being [e.g. Acceptance and Integration Training (AAIT), healing Qigong, and Neurodharma]. Such a state helps us to transcend suffering through detachment from our circumstances. We learn to observe our circumstances and become the choice between cause and effect.
What is the purpose of life? Perhaps one purpose is to spiritualize the human experience. Being alone (either too little or too much) challenges us to transform our problem with aloneness into the spiritual experience of joyful connection/unity or empowered self-sufficiency. The path forward invites us to honor our relationship with ourselves/others and grow in our relationship with divine Source.
In short, healing from loneliness requires us to practice self-acceptance and reconnection: being our own best friend to our imperfect human selves and the perfect spiritual beings that we are. Through our healing, we prepare our lives to attract and support a happy, loving partnership.
Healing from too little alone time requires practicing acceptance of others, setting appropriate boundaries, and balancing the needs of self and others. Through our growth, we can grow closer to others and divine Source. Do you see how life is always challenging us to be more of who we are?
Some questions that can help us make the most of our current situation are:
How does your personal experience with “being alone” magnify a greater awareness of your own Achilles heel/weakness?
How can you use your enhanced awareness for greater growth?
If you feel lonely, how can you better nurture and support yourself as your own best friend?
If you are struggling with wanting more time away from family members, what areas need your attention in order for you to enjoy your family relationships more?
Given the world’s focus on fear, hopelessness, and powerlessness, what parts of your life provide you greater peace, hope, joy, and empowerment? How can you strengthen these aspects of your life or self?
What/who are you grateful for?
What would you want to remember yourself accomplishing or being in spite of the pandemic?
This is a historic time that invites all of us to be a hero or heroine in our own narrative. The plot is filled with obstacles, challenges, loss, fear, and death, but there is also room for courage, faith, altruism, beauty, strength, creativity, and compassion. In a time of darkness, may the darkness inspire you to be the light that you are and may you shine your light for all to see.
Have a wonderful week!